The Caritas Chess Wars
by AussieBullDog
Summary: Recently, sixteen characters from BtVS and Angel got together and held a chess tournament. Here's how it went down.


TITLE: The Caritas Chess Wars  
  
AUTHOR: BulldogPhilbo  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
FEEDBACK: See, it's this thing where you read someone else's fic, then you tell the writer what you thought of it. The writer gets enough good feedback, they keep writing. Everybody wins.  
  
DISCLAIMER: Joss Whedon? Yes. Me? No. Enough said.  
  
DISTRIBUTION: You want it? You can have it. Just let me know where to see it.  
  
SUMMARY: Recently, sixteen characters from BtVS and Angel got together and held a chess tournament. Here's how it went down.  
  
SPOILERS: Some small ones for the new season.  
  
***  
  
FIRST ROUND, MATCH 1: Dawn v Willow  
  
A random draw to determine the first-round pairings sees Dawn up against Willow in the opening match of the tournament. The tourney is being held inside Caritas, which has been closed for the day. One bartender has been kept inside to serve drinks to all the players. The Host has also made the dubious decision of having the no-violence barriers in his club removed for the duration of the tournament, just for laughs.  
  
Willow looks nervous as she sits down across from a scowling Dawn. Willow is not one of Dawn's favourite people just lately.  
  
While the rest of the group gathers at the bar to fix themselves up with refreshments, Wesley takes a seat near the chess table to watch the game. If he wins his first match, he'll be meeting the winner of this match in the quarterfinals, so he needs to study both of his potential opponents' moves closely.  
  
While Tara has made Willow promise not to use any magic for the duration of the tournament, it doesn't take long before Dawn's klepto habit kicks in.  
  
Ten minutes later, Willow's head is hanging over the board, and she is frowning deeply. She was sure she had both her rooks still on the board a minute ago. She misses the devious smile which briefly passes over Dawn's face as the fifteen-year-old tucks both of Willow's rooks into her back pocket.  
  
Wesley has missed nothing, though, and makes mental notes.  
  
With the prospect of checkmate looming, Willow desperately looks up at Tara, who shakes her head emphatically before accepting her Bloody Mary from the bartender. Dawn captures Willow's last pawn with her queen, and it's all over.  
  
***  
  
FIRST ROUND, MATCH 2: Gunn v Wesley  
  
As Tara runs into the women's toilet and starts making gagging sounds (she thought the bartender was joking when he asked her if she wanted real blood in her Bloody Mary), Wesley takes the seat just vacated by a smirking Dawn. Gunn sits down across from him, but not before seeing his bourbon and coke snatched right out of his hand by a frustrated Willow.  
  
Lacking a strong drink to calm his nerves while he faces a self-professed chess whiz in Wesley, Gunn is easy meat for the ex-Watcher. The game lasts just fourteen moves, and Gunn crosses to the far corner of the room to sulk in silence for a while.  
  
A sympathetic Fred wants to go over and try to console Gunn, but she can't get away from Anya, who is showing off her engagement ring and bragging about her engagement to anyone who will listen, and won't let anyone out of her sight, especially Fred, whom Anya has never had the chance to brag to before.  
  
Anya's behaviour is surprising Xander, who thought his fiance would be just as nervous as he is, if not more so, seeing as how the happy couple have been drawn to face each other first up.  
  
***  
  
FIRST ROUND, MATCH 3: Tara v Cordelia  
  
Tara is still looking a little green around the gills from the Bloody Mary incident, and really isn't at her best. She considers using a little spell to help her chances of winning, and glances at Willow to see if she's watching (she isn't - that bourbon and coke can be hard stuff to handle for the inexperienced), but little does she know that before the tournament started, Cordelia had a vision of Tara using magic to beat her, and the seer has come prepared.  
  
Just as Tara begins the incantation, in walks Cordelia's old friend Aura, who is holding a videocamera and recording the entire scene. Tara reconsiders the spell at the last minute, for fear of being found out by Willow, and Cordy smiles triumphantly. The game is over three moves later.  
  
Cordy tosses Aura a dollar, and tells her to take a hike, she's served her purpose. Aura quickly snatches the dollar up before anyone else can get it, and exits.  
  
***  
  
FIRST ROUND, MATCH 4: Xander v Anya  
  
This game lasts just four moves. Anya is still showing off her ring to anyone who glances in her direction while she plays, and accidentally knocks over her king with an enthusiastic sweep of her hand.  
  
Spike can't help himself, and bursts into laughter, while Anya is near tears.  
  
Outwardly, Xander is sympathetic to his fiance's plight, but on the inside, he couldn't be more relieved. He's not a very good player, and Anya had already managed to nab both his bishops.  
  
***  
  
FIRST ROUND, MATCH 5: The Host v Jonathan  
  
The first round is half over, and the Host is ready for his game. Jonathan isn't quite ready yet. He's putting in a call on his new cellphone to Warren and Andrew, making sure they haven't taken over Sunnydale in his absence. They haven't. They're watching Flying Circus reruns.  
  
As Jonathan and the Host start to play, Anya finds an old radio behind the bar, and feeling in the mood for some cheering up music, turns it on. Jonathan is delighted to hear his favourite song playing - "Summer Rain", by Belinda Carlisle. Jonathan instantly starts singing along, giving Lorne, who can now see every move Jonathan is planning to make before he makes it, just the edge he needs.  
  
Unfortunately for the Host, Spike is not a big Belinda Carlisle fan, and the chipped vampire grabs the radio off Anya and smashes it over the bartender's head. The bartender sinks to the floor in an unconscious heap, and the radio is smashed to pieces. Spike's chip goes off, but the vampire considers the searing pain that shoots through his cranium a small price to pay to shut Belinda Carlisle up.  
  
Lorne has lost his advantage, and Jonathan is able to overcome his disappointment in not getting to listen to the rest of the song and checkmate the Host a half hour later. A grumbling Lorne goes over to check on his bartender.  
  
***  
  
FIRST ROUND, MATCH 6: Lindsey v Fred  
  
While Lindsey and Fred take their places at the table, Buffy and Faith are engaged in an unsettling staredown. They know their game is up next, and the two Slayers are trying to psyche each other out.  
  
Lindsey and Fred begin their game, and Lindsey, having been playing chess since he was four, quickly gains the advantage. However, disaster strikes for Lindsey, as two moves away from the inevitable checkmate, Lindsey's evil hand reaches out and smacks Faith on the butt as she passes by. Faith is pissed. Faith ain't gonna take that.  
  
Approximately four seconds later, Lindsey is groaning in pain on the floor, and he can't feel anything below his neck. Fred is awarded the victory via forfeit, and Jonathan dials 911 on his cellphone.  
  
***  
  
FIRST ROUND, MATCH 7: Buffy v Faith  
  
The two Slayers take their seats. Angel and Spike both take seats close by to watch on, as their game is next, and whoever wins it will be playing the winner of this game in the quarters.  
  
Throughout the game, Buffy is repeatedly distracted by Spike, who keeps making obscene gestures at her while Angel isn't looking.  
  
But Buffy is still too strong for Faith, who doesn't even know how to play chess. "I never learned," she says simply, shrugging it off. Then she heads back to the bar for another tequila.  
  
Buffy smiles proudly, because she won.  
  
***  
  
FIRST ROUND, MATCH 8: Spike v Angel  
  
As the paramedics wheel Lindsey out of the club on a stretcher, Spike and Angel take their places for the final first-round match.  
  
Spike starts off pretty well, but Buffy decides to give him a taste of his own medicine. She stands behind Angel, and slowly and seductively begins unbuttoning her shirt. A very distracted Spike starts making some incredibly stupid moves, and Angel quickly checkmates.  
  
Spike immediately tries to confront Buffy after the match is over, but Buffy is suddenly extremely interested in Anya's engagement ring, and Spike is forced to take out his frustrations on the bartender, who has only just regained consciousness. The bartender is out like a light mere moments later. Jonathan whips out his trusty cellphone again.  
  
***  
  
QUARTERFINAL #1: Dawn v Wesley  
  
Dawn knows she needs something special to beat Wesley, and figures the same tactics she used to beat Willow in the first round will work just fine. She quickly reconsiders, though, when she turns around to see Wesley standing at the chess table with his favoured axe in his hands, watching Dawn closely. He's fully aware of her underhanded tactics, and isn't about to put up with it.  
  
Wesley sits his axe on the floor just by his feet as he plays, and Dawn can't help but keep staring at it in nervousness and fear. Wesley mates in twelve. Dawn runs for her life.  
  
***  
  
QUARTERFINAL #2: Cordelia v Xander  
  
Cordelia is very cocky as the game begins, having seen Xander's earlier performance against Anya, and thinks she'll tear through her ex like tissue paper. Unbeknownst to her, though, Xander has a secret weapon: Wesley.  
  
Wesley is viewing Cordy as his only real challenge in this tournament, and is not keen on meeting her in the semis. Therefore, he has spent the last hour and a half teaching Xander everything he knows about the game.  
  
As a stunned Cordy looks on, and the bartender is taken away by paramedics, Xander checkmates Cordy in eleven moves.  
  
Wesley is relieved, but also a little worried. Has he created an equal in Xander?  
  
***  
  
QUARTERFINAL #3: Jonathan v Fred  
  
Jonathan hangs up his cellphone (Warren and Andrew are watching porn on cable again), and sits down at the table for his match against Fred. Unfortunately, three moves into the game, his cellphone starts ringing. It's his mother. Dinner's ready. Jonathan runs out of the club, and fails to return within the ten-minute time limit. Fred is awarded the game via forfeit.  
  
***  
  
QUARTERFINAL #4: Buffy v Angel  
  
Ten moves into the game, Buffy hears coughing sounds behind her. Turning around, she sees Spike slowly and seductively unzipping his jeans.  
  
Staring at Spike for a few moments, then quickly turning back to face the board before anyone can see the look of lust that appears on her face, she doesn't notice that Angel has switched some of the pieces around while she wasn't looking. Angel checkmates four moves later.  
  
As Buffy joins Gunn in the far corner to sulk, Angel and Spike share a knowing smile. That worked better than either of them could have guessed.  
  
***  
  
SEMIFINAL #1: Wesley v Xander  
  
This is definitely the most even game of the tournament. A couple of hours ago, Xander barely knew the first thing about chess, but Wesley has created a monster.  
  
The ex-Watcher is forced to resign in the seventieth move after Xander queens his fourth pawn, and Xander is through to the final.  
  
***  
  
SEMIFINAL #2: Fred v Angel  
  
Angel is late in arriving for his semifinal match. The baby needed changing. Another minute, and the souled vampire would have been forced to forfeit.  
  
The game begins, and Fred is surprised to discover that she is no match for Angel over the chess board. Angel is about to checkmate, when he catches sight of Buffy and Gunn making out in the far corner.  
  
Angel gets up from the table, and runs over to pull Gunn away from Buffy. The two of them get into a violent fistfight, while Spike grabs a distracted Buffy, slings her over his shoulder, and runs out of the club with her before either Angel or Gunn can notice him.  
  
Angel and Gunn throw simultaneous punches at each other, and they both fall to the floor, unconscious. Ten minutes later, they're still there. Angel has violated the ten-minute time limit, and Fred is awarded the game via forfeit.  
  
***  
  
FINAL: Xander v Fred  
  
Fred is desperate to prove that she can win a game of chess without having the victory handed to her on a silver platter, but unfortunately, today is not her day. After all, Wesley has created a monster. Xander mates in seven.  
  
***  
  
Xander accepts his trophy from the Host, and rushes out of the club, screaming in glorious triumph, his arms held high abve his head. Outside, he trips over Buffy, who is lying on the sidewalk in a pile of dust. Turns out that Spike was so obsessed with getting Buffy away from Angel and Gunn, he forgot it was still daylight outside.  
  
THE END 


End file.
